1
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,560
I told you not to bang that gong.

2
00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:33,060
That's a fire alarm.

3
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:34,980
Is there some emergency you want to know
about?

4
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,320
I'm calling a meeting. We must discuss
the staff situation.

5
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,320
We have a photographer coming at six o
'clock to take a photograph of the staff

6
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,320
and we haven't got any.

7
00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:46,100
Mr. Brumbold, what was all that noise
about?

8
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:50,680
Yes, what was all that bonging going on?
I was trying to summon you all.

9
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,910
Mr. Brumbold, Miss Brum... and I were
having a lie down.

10
00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:57,930
In future, we would like to be
forewarned if we're going to be bonged

11
00:00:57,930 --> 00:00:58,930
rest field.

12
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:03,130
Ah, Mr. Humphreys, are you free? I'm
free.

13
00:01:04,430 --> 00:01:06,670
I've just been setting the mousetraps in
the kitchen.

14
00:01:06,890 --> 00:01:10,430
Do you know, a mouse popped its head out
of the hole, cleaned its whiskers, and

15
00:01:10,430 --> 00:01:14,070
then as bold as brass, chewed on a bit
of cheddar and dashed into the daydome.

16
00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:16,790
Oh, I hate traps. I think they're cruel.

17
00:01:17,790 --> 00:01:20,030
I'll put my pussy in front of the hole.

18
00:01:22,410 --> 00:01:24,730
Next time he comes out, he'll get a
nasty shock.

19
00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:27,930
He'll probably move next door.

20
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,750
Probably hurl his shelf onto the trap.

21
00:01:31,910 --> 00:01:36,450
Now, look, we have a staff photograph
arranged for six o 'clock, and so far we

22
00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:37,450
haven't got any staff.

23
00:01:37,610 --> 00:01:40,530
What's much more important is that we
have a party of Americans arriving

24
00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:44,070
tomorrow, and they're going to pay more
than £1 ,500 for the weekend.

25
00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:45,950
Yeah, and we want the lolly.

26
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:50,890
More than that, I'm sure we're all
agreed, we don't want to disappoint

27
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:55,300
Now, they're on a tour, you see, of all
the old ruins of England.

28
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,360
Well, if you ask me, most of them sit in
here.

29
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,840
I don't like that, ma 'am.

30
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:05,400
He's dead uncouth.

31
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,520
Now, look, I have here some of the old
brochures for the hotel.

32
00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:13,740
Now, you see on the front page, there's
a photograph of the staff that were here

33
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:15,800
before. Before you sacked them.

34
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,060
I couldn't afford to pay them anyhow.

35
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,360
Oh, look, Captain Peacock.

36
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,940
There's a waiter here who looks just
like you. He looks all haughty and old.

37
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:28,140
I'm not being a waiter, if that's what
you're hinting at.

38
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:32,280
He has a very distinguished moustache,
such as what you have.

39
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,380
Captain Peacock, he's not just a waiter.

40
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:37,360
He's the head waiter.

41
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:38,760
Well, what's the difference?

42
00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:42,960
Captain Peacock, head waiter is the
position of enormous power.

43
00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:45,800
You see, a lot of that goes on.

44
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,430
Shouldn't I be the head, wait?

45
00:02:55,650 --> 00:02:57,430
That is for the tips.

46
00:02:58,130 --> 00:03:00,870
Yeah, them yanks are very big on that
sort of thing.

47
00:03:01,090 --> 00:03:03,870
Oh, yes, they were very generous during
the war.

48
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:08,710
If there was anything you couldn't get,
you could rely on them to give it to

49
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:09,710
you.

50
00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:13,830
It appears in this photograph that there
are two chambermaids.

51
00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:18,770
Captain Peacock, they're not just
chambermaids. They also fulfil the

52
00:03:18,770 --> 00:03:20,600
function. Of waitresses.

53
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:23,980
Well, I'm not being a chambermaid in
that final.

54
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,440
Miss Brahms is quite right.

55
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:31,540
We are retired salespersons specialising
in ladies' intimate apparel. We do not

56
00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:35,060
see ourselves creeping under beds,
pulling out poes.

57
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,060
Yes, and I'm unanimous in that.

58
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:45,900
Mrs Slocum, nowadays we don't have china
receptacles under bed.

59
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,720
We have bathrooms, en suite.

60
00:03:49,870 --> 00:03:52,910
You would be more in the nature of
ladies of the bedchamber.

61
00:03:53,290 --> 00:03:55,170
Well, that sounds a bit better.

62
00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:57,270
And you'd get double tips.

63
00:03:57,850 --> 00:03:58,990
You'll think about it.

64
00:04:00,450 --> 00:04:03,850
Now, Mr Humphrey, the barman looks right
up your street.

65
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,430
I haven't been up that particular street
for a very long time.

66
00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:11,250
I like the jacket.

67
00:04:11,590 --> 00:04:14,870
They make a special feature of him in
the brochure.

68
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:21,079
Our barman, Luigi, is renowned for his
cocktails from Monte Carlo to Biarritz.

69
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,360
Be sure to try his daiquiri.

70
00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:24,620
I beg your pardon?

71
00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:29,660
It's a rum cocktail, Mr. Humble. And it
goes on. And don't leave without

72
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,180
sampling his own invention, a zombie
surprise.

73
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,740
The central feature of which is the
whole frozen banana.

74
00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:38,420
That's enough to surprise any zombie.

75
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,080
I suppose it goes without saying, Mr.
Rumbo.

76
00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:45,910
that you were the stout, bald -headed
manager who's plonked himself right in

77
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,410
middle of the photograph.

78
00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:52,070
So I am prepared to undertake that
position in lieu of anybody else. Do you

79
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:53,070
tips as well?

80
00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:54,710
I believe that's not uncommon.

81
00:04:55,310 --> 00:05:01,010
It would seem to me most unfair that
Mrs. Slocum and Miss Browns, as

82
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:04,970
and ladies of the bedchamber, should get
twice the amount that Mr. Humphreys and

83
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,650
I get in our singular capacities.

84
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,750
With respect, Captain Peacock.

85
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,480
I don't imagine that waitresses will get
as big a tip as what you will as head

86
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,760
waiter. No, I can't see either of us
getting a big one in the bed chamber.

87
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,620
I can't see much coming to me over the
bar.

88
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,480
Well, at least you're in with a chance
with your zombie surprise.

89
00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:31,880
The best thing would be if we all put
our tips into a box. They call it the

90
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,700
trunk. And then at the end of the
week... We share them all out. And those

91
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,360
two jobs get twice as much.

92
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,980
Not at all. No. They only do each job
for half the time.

93
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:45,080
But the immediate worry is the
photograph at six o 'clock. I suggest we

94
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,080
ready.

95
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,540
Oh,

96
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,100
Mr. Westwick, you do look smart.

97
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:01,340
Luigi's old jacket, isn't it? Yes, due
to the staff shortage, we had to take

98
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:02,820
over their roles for the photograph.

99
00:06:03,420 --> 00:06:04,420
I'm the barman.

100
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,540
Well, certainly got the figure for it.

101
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:08,760
Thank you.

102
00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:12,780
Unfortunately, Mr. Luigi's got some of
his zombie surprise on the front.

103
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,720
Come here, I'll see if I can rub it off.

104
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,680
He was always getting dirty with Mr.
Luigi.

105
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,760
Mind you, he was quite popular with the
girls.

106
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,780
Popular with the men and all.

107
00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,390
calling all rounder.

108
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,430
Bet you'll be the same.

109
00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:33,650
I do know how to get on with people.

110
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:38,210
Will you watch your step with the girls
or you'll be making me jealous.

111
00:06:39,170 --> 00:06:42,430
Oh, by the way, I told my dad I was
sleeping in your bed.

112
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:43,669
You didn't.

113
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,690
He didn't give you the strap, did he?

114
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:50,810
No. He said I was to keep to my side of
the bed and give you plenty of room.

115
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:54,190
He's always thinking of other people,
his dad.

116
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,760
I expect I'll get used to these country
ways eventually.

117
00:06:58,740 --> 00:07:02,560
And he said if we were cold, we could
get another blanket out the cupboards.

118
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,520
You know, Mavis, between you and me,
there's been a lot of eyebrows raised

119
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,740
you and I sharing a bed.

120
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,340
Well, where do they expect me to sleep?

121
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:12,540
On the floor?

122
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,620
Mind you, I will if you're not
concerned.

123
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,920
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I know I've been
a bit tense this last couple of nights,

124
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,420
but I think I'm getting the hang of it.

125
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,540
house to chat to in bed, isn't it? It
certainly is indeed.

126
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:32,900
Oh, and in an old creaky house like
this, there's lots of noises in the

127
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,060
Yes, I expect there are.

128
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:36,520
Sometimes my hair stands on end.

129
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:37,840
Does it?

130
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:41,020
Dad says it's nothing to worry about.
It's just the supernatural.

131
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:45,000
You just give me a nudge if anything
makes yours stand on end.

132
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,620
I don't really want to worry you as
well.

133
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:55,750
It's no good us both being frightened.

134
00:07:56,970 --> 00:07:59,410
Ah, Mr. Humphreys, you're ready for the
photograph.

135
00:07:59,630 --> 00:08:00,990
I was just cleaning him up.

136
00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:04,350
You go there, Mr. Humphreys, and have
your photo took.

137
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:07,550
And don't forget to give him that big
smile of yours.

138
00:08:08,210 --> 00:08:12,110
Oh, he's a one, isn't he?

139
00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:14,030
Well, he used to be.

140
00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:25,570
Jim Peacock, are you all right?

141
00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:29,230
Well, unfortunately, my predecessor was
rather shorter than I am.

142
00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:33,830
So, in order to attach the stiff shirt
front to the trousers, I have to bend

143
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:37,270
forward like this. If I stand up
straight, we have the following result.

144
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:41,530
It's like being hit under the chin by an
express roller blind.

145
00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:43,350
Well, your dick is too short.

146
00:08:44,010 --> 00:08:47,650
My dad used to have that trouble. His
used to pop up every time he went to the

147
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:48,650
art fellows.

148
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:50,990
I'm sure we can make do with it for the
picture.

149
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:52,870
The photographer's here.

150
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,860
We'll have everybody in a group on the
stairs, Mr. Maxwell.

151
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,600
Right. Are the staff ready?

152
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:02,340
Well, we have had slight staff problems.
We've decided to fill the vacancies

153
00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:04,640
ourselves. Well, as long as we get a
good picture.

154
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,000
Where are the waitresses?

155
00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:07,680
Ah, they're coming down.

156
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:10,460
These skirts are ridiculous.

157
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:13,320
I certainly have to let mine down.

158
00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:16,280
Luckily, I have the legs for it.

159
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,400
This picture will be circulated all over
America.

160
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,360
Madonna will have to watch out.

161
00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:25,720
Oh, what about the hall, Porter?

162
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,540
Ah, I've had to take a temporary measure
there.

163
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:34,920
I feel

164
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:39,680
a right turn at this.

165
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,200
It's only for the picture, Mr. Moulton.

166
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,460
I suppose you'll all look all right.

167
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,960
I'm afraid I've got to dash.

168
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,820
Mr. Rumbone, I'm sure I can leave you to
organize a nice group. I'm sorry I have

169
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:52,820
to go. Goodbye.

170
00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:58,060
Now, pay attention, everybody. We are
going to have a photograph of ourselves

171
00:09:58,060 --> 00:09:59,680
taken by Mr. Maxwell.

172
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,220
Well, how do you want that?

173
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:02,339
Wait a minute.

174
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,880
Let's build up the picture.

175
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:10,060
Well, I hope it don't take long. There's
ends to feed and towns to know.

176
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:14,540
And the sound's waiting to be serviced
by the boar from the next farm.

177
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,000
He won't mind waiting for a minute or
two.

178
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,000
No, he won't, but she will.

179
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,720
She's acting.

180
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,360
She climbs in the wheelbarrow herself.

181
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:32,020
Could we not discuss these lurid details
at some other time?

182
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:37,020
Yes. Mrs. Slocum, Miss Brown, could you
try sitting on the fifth stair?

183
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,920
The sights you see when you ain't got
your gun.

184
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,440
Do we? have to sit in this position?

185
00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:51,160
Well, it's just to illustrate the sort
of services we're offering.

186
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,720
In that case, I should sit side -saddle.

187
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,660
You would be on safer ground if you
stood up.

188
00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:02,980
Stand to either side of the stair. That
would be better. Now, Captain Peacock,

189
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,260
come stand between them. Mr. Humphreys,
come stand at the end by the banister.

190
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:11,120
I think it would be better without the
hand on the knob.

191
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,640
Wouldn't I be holding a zombie surprise?

192
00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:26,980
I don't think so, Mr. Humphreys. Now,
Mr. Mulder, come stand on the other

193
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:30,240
opposite Mr. Humphreys, and I'll stand
in the middle.

194
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:34,440
If you stand there, 90 % of my position
of power will be obscured.

195
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,880
Move up one. How's that, Mr. Maxwell?

196
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,360
Captain Peacock's head is out of the top
of the picture. Oh, well, that won't

197
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:42,420
do. Move down one.

198
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,100
I'll sit on a chair. Mr. Moulton, could
we have the chair over here?

199
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:46,660
That's it. Here, Mr.

200
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:49,960
Rumbles. Thank you. That's it. Now then,
I'll sit there.

201
00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:53,900
Now I can only see the top of your head,
Mr. Rumbles.

202
00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:55,600
Come and stand up here beside me.

203
00:11:57,620 --> 00:12:03,000
Now, Crowdy, tell the ladies to hold
their pose. I thought I made it quite

204
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,600
we're not going to do anything of the
sort.

205
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,200
All smiles.

206
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,840
Mr. Mambo, Mr.

207
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:17,600
Moulthead looks as though he's
advertising one flew over the cuckoo's

208
00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:22,500
Yes, Mr. Moulthead, do we have less
teeth?

209
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,060
Which set do you want, top or bottom?

210
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:31,180
Just a wry smile, Mr. Moulthead. Wry
smile? How did that go?

211
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,580
Oh, show him, Mr. Humphreys.

212
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,060
If I do that, I'll be the talk of the
village.

213
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:44,140
Imagine you're looking at the sow with
the ball.

214
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:46,520
Can't do that.

215
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,040
It's private.

216
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,540
Perhaps it'd be better if Mr. Moulton
looked keen and intelligent.

217
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,160
What, both together?

218
00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:59,240
Oh, look, Mr. Maxwell, try one. Perhaps
we'll get lucky.

219
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:06,300
I'll let a flood of emotion pass over me
face and you tell me when to stop.

220
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,550
Right, now, everybody smile.

221
00:13:15,130 --> 00:13:16,310
Except Mr. Moulton.

222
00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:17,970
Right, ready?

223
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:19,430
Hold it.

224
00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:22,970
Oh, my dickies hit my chin again.

225
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:25,870
Oh, I'm sorry I missed that.

226
00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:33,970
Oh, hello, Mavis.

227
00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,170
Where is everybody?

228
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:37,250
Oh, they're having their photos took.

229
00:13:37,590 --> 00:13:38,590
What on earth for?

230
00:13:38,890 --> 00:13:41,750
Well, they couldn't get no staff, so
they're having to stand in for them.

231
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,560
Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

232
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,600
Why don't they ask me?

233
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:48,820
Well, I think they think you're above
all that sort of thing.

234
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:54,420
You add in private quarters above the
stables and you know a Mr. Grace so

235
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:56,820
Yes, I expect they're jealous.

236
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,820
Well, there's a bit of that.

237
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,600
But not Captain Peacock.

238
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,640
I see the muggle in you.

239
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,300
No, the brave men are all the same.

240
00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:07,100
No, Mr. Rumpkin is different.

241
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,360
Yes, I've noticed.

242
00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:14,090
about the staff problem. It would be
nice to get some service around here.

243
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,530
And one last picture.

244
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,250
Hold it.

245
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,970
Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Maxwell.

246
00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:27,510
We shall be looking forward to seeing
the prince.

247
00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:30,290
Can I get over this monkey suit?

248
00:14:30,630 --> 00:14:35,070
Before Mr. Moulton goes, don't you think
we should have a plan of campaign as to

249
00:14:35,070 --> 00:14:36,990
what actually happens when the guests
arrive?

250
00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:40,830
That's a very good idea, Captain
Peacock. I was about to suggest it.

251
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:42,750
Oh, you all look rather good.

252
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:45,150
Mr. Price didn't ask me to give you a
hand.

253
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,390
We didn't think you'd be good at
anything.

254
00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:52,770
I hardly think Miss Lovelock will have
had any practical experience in a hotel.

255
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:56,490
And I think she'll have had most of her
experience in a hotel.

256
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,510
Well, of course I haven't actually been
on the staff.

257
00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:03,230
But as Mr. Grace's companion, I've been
a guest in some of the best hotels in

258
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:03,989
the world.

259
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,670
I'm more than qualified to say whether
you're up to standard or not.

260
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:11,070
Perhaps we should let Miss Lovelock act.
As it were, as a guest, give us a

261
00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:13,650
chance to iron out any wrinkles before
the real guests arrive.

262
00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,010
I could be delighted.

263
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:19,070
And I think we could undertake to
implement any suggestions that you may

264
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:20,570
Good. Where do we start?

265
00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:24,370
Well, let's make it as realistic as
possible. And any comments, Miss

266
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,490
Don't hold back.

267
00:15:25,930 --> 00:15:27,290
I take it you're the manager?

268
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:28,389
Yes, of course.

269
00:15:28,390 --> 00:15:31,110
Then I suggest you polish your shoes
before your guests arrive.

270
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:34,590
She didn't know that back, did she?

271
00:15:35,859 --> 00:15:39,920
Yes, well, that was a very good comment.
I shall see to it. Bellboy, make sure

272
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,420
you polish these shoes better in future.

273
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,440
Don't you start on me.

274
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,600
I'm just here for the photo.

275
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:50,840
Mr. Moulton, we're all doing our best to
fill in for the time being.

276
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,740
Yes, it's only temporary.

277
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,720
If you could see your way to helping us,
Mr. Moulton.

278
00:15:56,100 --> 00:16:01,040
Well, I don't mind, but that boar will
be over here if she don't arrive soon.

279
00:16:01,780 --> 00:16:03,520
She'll be past her Dubai date.

280
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,300
Well, let's assume we've just arrived.

281
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,540
Over to you, Miss Ludlock. Get my bags
out of the car, please.

282
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,080
I'll send the ball boy immediately.

283
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,080
Milton, bags out of car.

284
00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:16,420
Please would have been nice.

285
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,840
I didn't expect any politeness from a
bloke like you.

286
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,480
I am Cuthbert Rumbo, the manager.

287
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:28,440
Welcome to Milton Manor. Allow me to
introduce the staff. This is Stephen,

288
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,339
head waiter.

289
00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:30,420
Would you care for the menu?

290
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,840
Do you always have that trouble with
your dickies?

291
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:40,280
This is Luigi, our international barman.
I got everything you wanna.

292
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:46,480
I make it the short drinks, I make it
the long drinks, I shake it a cockatail.

293
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,480
Sound like an Italian, Gracie Fields.

294
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:54,260
Sorry to interrupt, but there ain't no
bags and there ain't no car.

295
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:58,420
Just imagine you're bringing them in,
Mr. Moulton.

296
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,840
What should I imagine, big bags or
little bags?

297
00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:04,740
Oh, please yourself.

298
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,760
Now, this is Shirley, and this is Betty.

299
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,040
Are these the skivvies?

300
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:14,660
We are waitresses and ladies of the
bedchamber. Yes, and we get double

301
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:18,359
I don't think older women should wear
such short skirts.

302
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,480
And I think younger women should watch
what they're saying, or they're louder

303
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,319
get a bunch of fines up their asses.

304
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:27,300
Darling, I'm only doing this to be
helpful.

305
00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:34,560
The bells, the bells.

306
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,180
Mr. Moulterd, what are you doing?

307
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:39,540
Bringing in the bags!

308
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:42,800
Big bag and a little bag!

309
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,260
If you ask me, the less the guests see
of the staff, the better, so no

310
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:50,680
introductions. I'll be happy to take
over the reception and do the welcoming.

311
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,280
Hands up those who'd like Miss Lovelock
to do the welcoming.

312
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,320
And hands up those who'd like Miss
Lovelock to get the sack.

313
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,400
I think we should abide by her decision.
After all, she has been in the

314
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,440
international set.

315
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,370
And no doubt vice versa.

316
00:18:06,490 --> 00:18:08,410
Look, this needs proper organisation.

317
00:18:09,030 --> 00:18:10,090
The porter's hopeless.

318
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:11,490
You be the porter, Mr Rumbold.

319
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:12,249
What, me?

320
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,250
Yes, you.

321
00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:14,430
I must protest.

322
00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:18,350
I thought we took it as agreed that Miss
Lovelock's decision is final.

323
00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:19,610
Well, who's going to do my job?

324
00:18:19,870 --> 00:18:21,310
Someone with charm and authority.

325
00:18:21,870 --> 00:18:23,650
Well, I'm quite happy being the barman.

326
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,450
I was referring to Captain Peacock.

327
00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:28,750
You, Mr Humphreys, will be the head
waiter.

328
00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:31,930
Without the dickie. I prefer it that
way.

329
00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:34,700
Well, who's going to do the bar?

330
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:36,940
Miss Brandt has a look for a barmaid.

331
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,740
Right, I'll do the bar. You're banned.

332
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,620
Well, I can't believe me, without a
position.

333
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:51,780
Well, you can do the bedroom, be a
waitress, help in the kitchen.

334
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,660
And for heaven's sake, try and keep out
of sight.

335
00:19:04,650 --> 00:19:05,650
We're all so nice.

336
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:39,290
got them. Mrs. Slocum, I do mind being a
waitress and sweeping under the bed.

337
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:40,309
Here, Mrs.

338
00:19:40,310 --> 00:19:43,210
Slocum, here's some brandy. Say when.

339
00:19:43,870 --> 00:19:44,870
When.

340
00:19:46,830 --> 00:19:48,150
I haven't said when.

341
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:52,490
Well, thank you, Miss Brahms.

342
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:55,410
Is she upset about something?

343
00:19:55,990 --> 00:19:58,110
She wanted a more important position.

344
00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:04,830
I ain't seen her that upset since 1942
when she thought I'd put her in... the

345
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:05,830
family way.

346
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:10,990
Oh, Miss

347
00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:17,790
Brahms, where have you been?

348
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:20,690
I don't like being on my own in a storm.

349
00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:25,730
Well, I was in the bathroom, but I
didn't brush my teeth. I was trying to

350
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,170
the tap because of the lightning.

351
00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:28,570
Very wise.

352
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:31,610
My husband's brother was struck by
lightning.

353
00:20:31,970 --> 00:20:32,970
Oh,

354
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:37,100
the dodgems at a fairground.

355
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,460
And the lightning went straight down the
pool.

356
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,900
It melted all the loose change in his
trouser pockets.

357
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,980
Oh, did the insurance pay out?

358
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,500
No, they couldn't replace what he'd
lost.

359
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,940
Are you feeling better now?

360
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,340
Well, yes, that brandy gave me a bit of
a boost.

361
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:59,380
But that Miss Lovelock really upset me.

362
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:02,860
Oh, my goodness, that was a near one.

363
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:09,760
Oh, my poor Tiddles. She'll be
terrified. I think I'll take her into

364
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,620
me. Yes, she should be back by now.

365
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,160
Back? What do you mean, back?

366
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,920
I just saw her going for a walk down the
corridor.

367
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:21,980
Oh, Miss Browns, the lights have gone
out. Have you got any matches?

368
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,460
Oh, yes, there are some in my
portmanteau under the bed.

369
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:28,120
You know, I've never liked it in the
dark.

370
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,480
There's a candle here, so it must have
happened before.

371
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,360
Is that you, Mrs. Slogan?

372
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,900
Captain Peacock, kindly avert your
torch.

373
00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:40,400
The lights have gone out.

374
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:41,640
We had noticed.

375
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:44,040
We've got a candelier if you've got a
light.

376
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:45,300
Oh, yes.

377
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,280
Look, Captain Peacock, have you seen my
pussy?

378
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,040
Not recently.

379
00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,040
It's gone missing.

380
00:21:54,660 --> 00:21:55,720
Perhaps it's gone mousing.

381
00:21:57,020 --> 00:21:58,760
Well, I've got to find out.

382
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,700
Where's my dressing gown?

383
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,200
Mr. Enfrey.

384
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:07,700
Mr.

385
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:09,800
Enfrey. Wake up.

386
00:22:10,380 --> 00:22:12,220
It's all right, men. Follow me.

387
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,280
Wake up.

388
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,980
What is it?

389
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,260
There's a great rumbling and there's
been banging and flashing.

390
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,980
Well, I hope you're not holding me
responsible.

391
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:34,130
That's what it is. Do you know, I was
just dreaming I was in the middle of the

392
00:22:34,130 --> 00:22:37,650
Charge of the Light Brigade and Lord
Cardigan had told me to put my hat on

393
00:22:37,650 --> 00:22:39,170
straight and you poked me in the ribs.

394
00:22:40,130 --> 00:22:42,790
The lights have gone out and we've been
plunged into darkness.

395
00:22:43,670 --> 00:22:46,850
At times like this, the old house has a
life of its own.

396
00:22:47,550 --> 00:22:48,570
What do you mean by that?

397
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,270
Do you mind if I move a bit closer?

398
00:22:51,750 --> 00:22:54,110
Well, if you speak up, I can hear you
from where you are.

399
00:22:55,850 --> 00:22:59,070
On a night like this, you can hear it
walking about.

400
00:23:00,159 --> 00:23:01,320
Move a bit closer.

401
00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:04,140
What can you hear walking about?

402
00:23:04,420 --> 00:23:05,420
I don't know.

403
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,740
We hear it, but no one's seen it.

404
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,180
But when it's around, there's a chill in
the air.

405
00:23:11,820 --> 00:23:13,820
Do you know, I'm really glad you've told
me this.

406
00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:22,980
The lights have gone out.

407
00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:24,860
I'll go and see if the ladies are all
right.

408
00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:26,060
Now, you be careful.

409
00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:30,920
Mavis says on a night like this, there's
a... thing walking about that you can't

410
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:31,920
see.

411
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,980
I'll get another candle.

412
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,560
I'm going to find Mr. Bolterd and get
him to check the fuses.

413
00:23:38,940 --> 00:23:40,100
We're going for Tiddle.

414
00:23:42,180 --> 00:23:46,280
Now then, Miss Trotts, stay close behind
me.

415
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,359
Yes, I will.

416
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:49,200
Oh, you're shivering. Are you cold?

417
00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:50,700
No, I'm just dead scared.

418
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,680
Now, if we keep very quiet, we may be
able to hear Tiddle's breathing.

419
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:57,400
She has a touch of asthma, you know.

420
00:24:00,980 --> 00:24:02,280
Oh, that was horrible.

421
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:03,680
Oh, yes.

422
00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:05,120
It was Mr Rumble.

423
00:24:07,860 --> 00:24:08,839
I'm sorry.

424
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:12,020
You seem to be having a dramatic effect
on everybody this evening.

425
00:24:12,220 --> 00:24:13,220
Well, what do you expect?

426
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,440
You look like an illuminated gargoyle.

427
00:24:16,620 --> 00:24:17,840
Are you both all right?

428
00:24:18,380 --> 00:24:22,440
Mr Humphreys says that on nights like
this, something rather ghastly walks

429
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:23,440
in the corridor.

430
00:24:23,740 --> 00:24:24,900
We've just seen it.

431
00:24:27,110 --> 00:24:28,530
Mrs. Slocum's pussy.

432
00:24:28,890 --> 00:24:30,530
Yeah, yeah, I just passed it in the
corridor.

433
00:24:30,790 --> 00:24:35,010
Its tail was erect, its ears were flat,
and its eyes were looking with a sort of

434
00:24:35,010 --> 00:24:37,350
glazed look, as though it had just seen
something.

435
00:24:37,670 --> 00:24:39,070
Hmm, probably just seen you.

436
00:24:40,290 --> 00:24:43,490
Well, don't you worry, I'll go and get
it. Have another candle. Thank you.

437
00:25:01,930 --> 00:25:02,650
Did you hear

438
00:25:02,650 --> 00:25:09,410
that?

439
00:25:09,730 --> 00:25:13,910
That's what I'm talking about. The
storm's awakened it and it's creaking.

440
00:25:16,110 --> 00:25:17,930
I think it needs oiling.

441
00:25:20,070 --> 00:25:21,090
Did you hear that?

442
00:25:23,450 --> 00:25:24,950
Has it got a wooden leg?

443
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,080
Maybe.

444
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,340
He's taking a very long time.

445
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:36,940
He's probably scared her off.

446
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,620
Now, stay close behind me, Miss
Broughton. You worry, I will.

447
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,180
Big cook, I wish you wouldn't do that.

448
00:25:55,420 --> 00:25:59,420
Oh, it's scary enough without you
frightening us. Mr. Dumbledore said that

449
00:25:59,420 --> 00:26:03,260
there's something you wouldn't wish to
meet walking about the corridors.

450
00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:05,960
Only the feeble -minded would believe
that sort of thing.

451
00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:11,040
Oh, my lights have gone out.

452
00:26:11,340 --> 00:26:12,700
I've got a few of mine out.

453
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,320
Come on.

454
00:26:17,860 --> 00:26:22,400
There's things abroad tonight beyond the
ten of the lights of wee.

455
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,260
You go to bed and lock your doors.

456
00:26:25,580 --> 00:26:26,940
Not without my Tiddles.

457
00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:29,620
Who says that can't be our idea?

458
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,960
Oh, Tiddles, are you in there?

459
00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:37,780
Dad,

460
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:41,840
what are you doing?

461
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,140
Holding the door.

462
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,580
I've just seen something horrible.

463
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,220
Have you meant to defuse it?

464
00:26:47,460 --> 00:26:48,680
No, I don't intend to.

465
00:26:48,980 --> 00:26:49,980
No, no.

466
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,000
Well,

467
00:26:57,860 --> 00:26:59,860
it's lucky everything's normal in here.